August 21, 2006

We here at Sock University take the education and tutelage of everything “socks” pretty seriously, so our disdain for charlatan sockwear should come as no surprise.  Today, we’ll take a look at two of the biggest impostors on the market.

I.  Aqua Socks: A Beachfront Blunder

These are neither aquas nor socks.  Discuss…

Some responsible manufacturers and retailers aptly call these “water shoes,” for which I, for one, am appreciative.  Maybe it’s just me, but socks do not - and should not - feature breathable mesh, an antimicrobial footbed, a leather “upper,” and an amphibious rubber sole for traction.  Furthermore, aqua “socks” cannot even be worn with shoes.

II.  Socked/Footed Pajamas: The Wintry Disaster

Someone owes me either an explanation or an apology for this.

First off, what exactly are the benefits of pajama pants with built-in socks?  Do they limit the time necessary to put away socks and pants or do they just make you look silly? 

Second, these…things… are 100% polyester.  Comfy?

They also have a thin rubber sole underfoot, which does not prevent you from lispping down a flight of stairs (strike two), but does get in the way of taking a running start and sliding across the dinning room floor (strike three).  Yes, I am speaking from experience.

I remember stubbing my toe in the basement one night when I was wearing these pajamas, and to get a look at the smashed appendage, I had to take my pants off.  That’s just unnatural.

In summation, the sock is not some garmet to be featured as an add-on for trendy, sauna-like sleepwear, nor is it one to be transformed into an amphibious poolside faux pas.  To provide your feet with the comfort and protection that they deserve, check out Sock University’s top-of-the-line products at bargain prices.